#5 - Project "PS". I will write 15,000 words each month during the months of January through June.
Project PS was a novel idea I had been developing in my head during December, but too scared to actually put on paper (much like every other book idea I’ve had in the last ten years and never written down). I titled it PS because there wasn't much else for me to call it. It involved a daughter who is caring for her paranoid schizophrenic (hence PS) mother on her own - a mom whose fake voices in her head were giving very real messages and warnings about an evil that was quickly approaching. At the time, I was terrified to try to write it, unsure of where the story was really headed and I was even more terrified to tell anyone I was doing it. But once I put the goal on paper, I couldn't deny that the story was dying to be written (whether I was doing it well or not) (or whether it totally sucked or not).
I spent the first week of January gearing myself up for the write, pep talks if you will. The second week, I actually hand wrote my first two pages and then writing and rewriting the first five pages on the laptop until I figured how I wanted the story to begin. I knew how I wanted the first chapter to end, just wasn't sure how to begin it. After that, the words rolled right along. I didn't have much time to write, but found that an hour at night after putting my boys to bed was good and then I snuck in a few more hours in the weekends as I could. In January, I wrote 17,070 words - 2,070 above my goal.
In February, I was closer to seeing all the details of my storyline and I spent two days writing a full outline - it was seven pages, 3000+ words long and the most helpful thing I ever did. At that point, I could plug in my plans and just create the words that fit best. I even came up with a title that I loved: Edge of Darkness (totally stolen from the Mel Gibson movie that released that same weekend, but it fit my MS too, so... *raspberries*). Then I went so far as to create a fake book cover cause I’m a dork like that. This was a great month of writing for me. The story moved along, I finished the first of three planned sections, and finally told my two best friends what I was doing. They were so supportive that by the end of February, I bucked up and told my mom. She surprised me by praising me and saying that it about time - she said I always had a crazy imagination and she was excited to see how it turned out. It was quite a relief to tell a few people and to have their encouragement. In February, I wrote 21,734 words - 6,734 over my goal plus the 3,000+ word outline.
In March, I hit a bump. I got frustrated by the lack of writing time and my obsession for revision overtook that writing time. I had trouble moving forward. Then when I was writing Chapter 8, I found that I had one of my main characters written completely wrong. Wanting it fixed before moving forward, I spent a week revising the scenes he was in and adding about seven pages to the previously finished first section to fit his new more involved character stance. It turned out much better. Then in the middle of Chapter 9, I found myself wanting to write a scene from another character's perspective. I had been writing in first person POV so this wasn't an option...unless I really felt that the entire story would be best written in third person multiple viewpoint POV. Once again, I was halted. I didn't want to move forward in my writing if it was wrong, but I also didn't want to go back and rewrite if that wasn't best either. So I consulted two wonderful ladies who both suggested that maybe I should try to rewrite a chapter or two or at least outline how it would look and then decide on how to proceed. A week later after reading what I had written, I decided to forgo the 3rd person POV for now and continue what I had started. After looking at it from the reader perspective, I wasn't convinced that the 3rd POV would help the reader understand more of what was going on – I was (possibly) only being selfish in wanting an easier way to put the tough scene on paper (me thinks). In March, I learned a LOT about the bumps and choices and realities of writing a long storyline...it's damn hard! The continual questioning of whether your character should do this or that or say this or that and how it’s going to make a difference and affect the end result - it's quite maddening and gives me a massive headache - and yet, I cannot stop. I love love LOVE this! It makes me want to take a vacation from work so I can write all day. In March, I wrote 12,978 words. I didn't quite meet my word goal, but my March writing experience blossomed so much more than a word count.
The first 90 days of writing have been quite the journey. It's taken me 90 days to have the courage to even write this post, afraid of what others might think of my attempt, but at this point, I no longer care if they think I'm being silly - because I'm invested 150% - I want to accomplish my goal and I must tell the story. It's no longer an option now - if I were to stop, well...I'm not really sure where my sanity might end up. And after 90 days, I have 51,782 words, 164 pages, and 10 chapters completed out of 22 planned chapters to show for my 'silly' attempt. It's something...and something is better than nothing.
My overall goal was to have 90,000 words written by the end of June (whether that was the end of the book or not), but I hope that I finish this story before then. I want to write the ending SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO bad, I can taste its edgy goodness. But until then, I think I might post my fake book cover. I did two, but this one was better :) Whatcha' think?
