Sharing Words...

...aka writing, is extremely nail-biting scary. It's so much easier to write what I want and keep it to myself, locked away where no one can judge me for it.  But how will that ever help me?  How will I ever gain confidence to share what comes out of my brain so that I can grow and learn from it if I never let anyone read it?

This is an issue I have and something I'm told many other writers have as well.  And it's for the reason that I'm making myself step out of my comfort zone and commit part of my February 'M' series to share a snippet of writing everyday. None of it is final wording or even final for the scene - it's all a work in progress - just like the stage of writing that I'm in.  I'm at the point where I'm starting to settle in and find comfort within the words. I'm seeing more than just the scene, learning how to foresee future plot developments and using characterizations to set the pace. What I'm still not great at is grammar and syntax - but that will come.  For now, it's about the process and learning to trust that not everything written has to be absolutely perfect to share on a blog.

So while I'm cringing at posting a snippet from one of my works-in-progress every day (along with the other two 'M' aspects) for the next 28 days, I'm still going to do it. Whether or not I have any nails left by March is another story...

A month of Self Love (not the dirty kind)

I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day. Not even when I was married. I mean, yes, I love all the red and pink around, but V-Day should simply be a day to tell the people in your life that you love them (as you would every other day). Instead, it has turned into a "you must buy overpriced roses and sparkling jewelry and extravagant gifts" kind of day. Even my children have asked me what I'm giving them for Valentine's Day, of which I reply, "I'll give you the biggest hug ever!", and they proceed to give me the death glare.

For this reason, I put in my 101 things to do in 1001 days resolution plan...#76 -boycott Valentines Day

But why stop at just "boycotting"?  Why not also celebrate the things that make us happy and/or mean something to us?  I've seen on other blogs and facebook, the 30 pictures in 30 days and 30 songs in 30 days and I thought I'd incorporate those ideas, mesh them around a bit, and use them for a February Blog series:

Memories, Music, and Manuscripting 

(Yes, I know manuscripting isn't a real word, but it sounded better to have 3 'm' words). 

Each day of February using the prompts given, I will feature a special photo memory and a song (and hopefully a playable link). To round out my obsession with 'threes', I'll also post a short something from one of my current works-in-progress or a quote or lyric that has helped me draft a scene. When combined, all three of these aspects celebrate the person I was, the person I am, and the person that I want to become. What better kind of self-love is there? (no, the dirty kind doesn't count...get your mind out of the gutter, people!)

And feel free to participate with me!  Either in your own blog post or in the comments section. If you do your own blog post, link it so I can see :)   (side note: I was doing this as a giveaway opportunity, but that contradicted my entire point of the corporate takeover of Valentine's Day...ha! So this is now a fun-thing only. Sorry for any confusion)


Now, let the "boycotting" begin!

Conversation in the Car - Take 1

Setting - Friday afternoon, after the daycare pick-up of 4 yr old, Coop-man, and and on the way to pick up 9 yr old...

Coop: Mom! Mom! Look! Look! It's a shooting star!

Me: Really? (because what else are you going to say, it's still daylight)

Coop: Yeah, yeah! Look!

Me: (me driving) Can't Coop. We'll have a wreck.

Coop: PUHWEEZ!! It'll be real qwick.

Me: *sigh* Okay. real quick. (looks left and up) Coop, that's an airplane.

Coop: NUH-UH! It's a star and I'm gonna make a wish.

Me: What are you going to wish for?

Coop: That more snow clouds come and it snows for 3 days, no 5 days, and the snow turns into berries, red ones, and then and then, it'll get even colder and the berries will freeze into nutrigrain bars and then I'm gonna go outside and eat 'em all. Yep. That'll be good.

Me: I think I should probably start cooking real food more.

Coop: Noooo!  I likes the nutrigrain bars. All colors. The berries will have to be red and blue and green and purple and when they fall down, it'll be all smushy and slimey (insert evil Coop laugh).  And then and then....oh look, momma! It's police truck and he's got big guns in that truck.

Me:  That's actually a car, baby.

Coop:  (exasperated) I knoooowwww...but I want to call it a truck. duh.

Me:  Don't say duh to your mom.

Coop:  ...but policeman don't shoot good people, just the bad people like the ones who steal things like TVs and money and my nutrigrain bars.

Me: Yep, definitely going to the grocery tonight.

Setting Priorities (and a 101 things in 1001 days update)

Making and sticking to priorities (aka productive activities) has been an issue for me as of late. It's like a holiday hangover that never ends. Between social activities, TV and movie watching, and reading book after book, I haven't been doing the things I dedicated my efforts to long ago. Stuff like:

1. Blogging: As you can tell, my blog hasn't been a priority. I have so many things I want to post, comment on, express in grand detail... and one of these days, I'll get to it, but at the moment, they are saved as drafts with a few notes here and there. The drafts are starting to pile up and I fear I'll never catch up. 
2. Writing. Some days I'm more productive than others, but I've become very slow and I'm not too in love with that. It shouldn't take 2 days to process and write down a four page scene. What does that say about my story?  Am I making it too complicated?  Or is it my inability to put what I see in my head into words on paper?  Either way, it's frustrating the shittles out of me.  
3. Health. I did really well the first couple of weeks of January, but when my dog got sick and I thought she would have to be put down (good news...she healed!), my stress eating took back over. Now, those short term habits that I developed are proving hard to bring back. 

Good news is that I can officially cross off 12 new items since my last update from my 101 things in 1001 days goal!   Successes in the last four months include:

#6 - Get 4 year old to sleep in his own bed - preferably before he gets to Kindergarten (by NYE 2010 - He sleeps in his own bed!! - DONE!)
#13 - Buy a plasma screen TV (got one for Christmas. That counts right?)
#22 - Take the kids to Disneyworld  (November 2010)
#24 - Participate in Nanowrimo  ( participated, yes...succeeded, no)
#26 - Host a blog contest (October 2010 and it was so much fun!)
#30 - Get a more professional camera (November 2010 and I love it!)
#33 - Dye my hair (or a portion) a random color - maybe red or blue or purple  (colored the underside pink in November 2010 -it didn't take very well. Calling this a completed, but I'll probably try it again.)
#34 - Try not to get fired from my job by dying my hair one of those random colors (Success! I did it right before vacation and by the time I went back to work, it was gone. Score one for the smart gal!)
#42 - Buy a larger bookshelf for my ever growing book piles (October 2010 - and it's getting full already...eeks!)
#48 - Go to a rollerderby bout  (I'm going this weekend! so excited!)
#50 - Watch Buffy the TV show on DVD - figure out why everyone loves it so much (From October through December 2010, I was addicted to this show and Angel!)
#81 - Buy a new coat (November 2010 - It's purple)

So, I guess I have to look at it this way...I'm sucking in some areas and succeeding in others. Balance can be achievable...at least, one of these days. Anyone else having trouble finding their groove this year?

What the Hell

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Avril? 

Well I do and now she's back!

The Body Finder by Kimberly Derting

Violet Ambrose is grappling with two major issues: Jay Heaton and her morbid secret ability. While the sixteen-year-old is confused by her new feelings for her best friend since childhood, she is more disturbed by her "power" to sense dead bodies—or at least those that have been murdered. Since she was a little girl, she has felt the echoes the dead leave behind in the world . . . and the imprints that attach to their killers. Violet has never considered her strange talent to be a gift; it mostly just led her to find dead birds her cat left for her. But now that a serial killer is terrorizing her small town, and the echoes of the local girls he's claimed haunt her daily, Violet realizes she might be the only person who can stop him. Despite his fierce protectiveness over her, Jay reluctantly agrees to help Violet find the murderer—and Violet is unnerved by her hope that Jay's intentions are much more than friendly. But even as she's falling intensely in love, Violet is getting closer and closer to discovering a killer . . . and becoming his prey herself. 

The Body Finder was an interesting read. I didn't love it and I didn't hate it, but I felt it had a different sort of quality that kept me reading. The main character, Violet, is sixteen and while this story is considered young adult for that reason, I felt that it crossed over into crime adult fiction in many ways. Early in the book, we are introduced to the killer. We never know who he is, but we are put in his shoes directly, experiencing his thoughts as he chooses his victims. This approach is quite commanding and disturbing at some levels. In addition, the intensity with which the sexual descriptions are written through me off the YA level completely. It made me think I was cheating on my genre. At the same time, these elements are what make this book something entirely different from what I'm used to reading in the YA category and that was what kept me going.

Violet and Jay's relationship is a tricky one to comment on. I understand the complexity of it, but it felt forced in places and ultimately confusing in others. They obviously have a connection - that I don't deny - but I'm not crazy about how it progresses. The big brother thing turn crush thing turn ultimate-I-must-have-him-or-I'll-die-but-I'll-pretend-it's-nothing thing was exhausting. I wanted to jump through the pages and smack Violet across the face and tell her wake up. But then again, that was probably me wanting to smack my teenage face across the face because I behaved the exact same way in high school. Le Sigh.

But even with those elements, I found the story quite enjoyable. It kept me reading late into the night and I'm really glad that I finished it. I'll tell you one thing - the ending is jolting and unexpected and sad at the same time. And no I won't give you details - you'll just have to find out on your own. 3.5 stars out of 5.

Stir Crazy?

What do you do for fun when snow has covered the ground for five days straight??

Explore the world (and beyond), of course!

If I'm ever cool enough to start a band...

...I'm using this cover! 

Want to create your own random band cover?

1. Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band. 
2. Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. 
3. Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. 
4. Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together!

 If you create your own, link it in the comments section - I'd love to see it!

"Incarceron" and "Sapphique" by Catherine Fisher

Incarceron is a prison unlike any other: Its inmates live not only in cells, but also in metal forests, dilapidated cities, and unbounded wilderness. The prison has been sealed for centuries, and only one man, legend says, has ever escaped.

Finn, a seventeen-year-old prisoner, can’t remember his childhood and believes he came from Outside Incarceron. He’s going to escape, even though most inmates don’t believe that Outside even exists. And then Finn finds a crystal key and through it, a girl named Claudia.

Claudia claims to live Outside—her father is the Warden of Incarceron and she’s doomed to an arranged marriage. If she helps Finn escape, she will need his help in return. But they don’t realize that there is more to Incarceron than meets the eye. Escape will take their greatest courage and cost far more than they know.

Because Incarceron is alive.

Incarceron (the first book) is amazing.  The world that Fisher builds has a life of it own, her words only present it. Never for a moment did I feel like I wasn't a part of it and at times, I became so drawn in that life around me seemed to stop.  Claudia is a pretentious character who lives up to the woman she was raised to be, but she has a caring side to her and the question the reader has to continually ask is why.  Why is she making things so hard on herself. Is it because that's what she thinks is right?  Is it because she'll do anything to upset her absent father?  Is it for selfish reasons of a side love affair or her own desires?  And while you, as a reader are trying to figure that out, then you have to factor in Finn and his wild, lying ways as well as his mysterious past and loyal side. The prison is a character as well and the way it tries to keep the two of them apart, with its players and secrets and quiet, watchful eye, is what separates them, as well as unites them, to make the story work.

I have to admit, I was able to guess many of the early plot points in this story, but the rest kept me guessing right down to the final pages.  Just when I thought I had Incarceron figured out, Fisher devised a metal storm to hurt our lost prisoners, a side game for the privileged Outsiders, and factored in Greek mythology to build a whole other element that brings both groups together.

This book has had mixed reviews, but I adored it.  I think it's great for those who love dystopian fantasies. It's not a light read either; Fisher's writing style is bold, one I find impressive and strive to attain.  If you loved the speed and intensity of The Maze Runner as well as the world of Kristin Cashore's "Graceling" and "Fire", then you will love this story as well.

Sapphique is the sequel to Incarceron, and as far as I know, it is the final book as well.  It picks up right where Incarceron left off and does not leave you disappointed. Both earned a sold 5 out of 5 stars from me.

Realistic Goals

I read an excellent post today by KM Weiland: 10 Writing Resolutions You Can Fulfill. Mentioned in it are writing every day, no matter the length, finishing that first draft, finding a critique partner, and stretching your comfort zones. While I vowed to not set any year-long 2011 resolutions, I do have short term goals that I can put on paper and a few can be found within the list Weiland provided:

• I'm going to finish my rewrite.  In late April I started writing a dark urban fantasy called Edge of Darkness. In late-August when it was completely finished (except the last 3 chapters), I realized that I went about it all wrong and began the rewrite. Because it's a dark story, it took a lot of emotional energy to keep at on a regular basis and finally in October, I had to put it down for a while.  I've finally picked it back up and it's been hard to get back in the mindset of the story, but I'm determined to get the rewrite complete. It's currently about half complete and I'd like to finish it up during January and February. 
• With this, I am going to write everyday.  Even if I only get 30 minutes after my kids go to bed or take the last 20 minutes of my lunch break.  I have to remain productive, have to redevelop my writing habit. 
• I'm going to stretch my comfort zone. I would like to write two flash fiction type pieces during the month of January.  Hopefully my critique partner will do it with me :)  If anyone else wants to participate, let me know. 

And I think that's enough writing goals to keep me busy for now!  Do you have any specific writing goals for January?

Crappy endings

There is nothing worse than investing time in a story, both read and watched, and being disappointed by the ending. Some of the best love stories ever written don't come with the ending you dreamed of (ahem, Titanic).  But when done, you can still enjoy the ride the story gave, even when your favorite character dies at the end (ahem, Spike on Buffy).

But what happens when there is no real ending after investing all that time? What if the author or producer/screenwriter leaves it hanging without an ending except one you have to make up in you own head or come to your own conclusion for?  Those I despise and it's not the story I despise, it's the person who thought it was a good idea to leave the tortured viewers hanging.

Erg!

I haven't been reading much, and goodness knows that writing has been thrown to the wayside and why you ask?  Vampire slaying...the Buffy and Angel type to be exact.  After all the buzz of the Buffy and Angel TV series, I finally decided to watch them on Netflix. (SPOILERS ALERT!) Took me three months but I finally finished. After 7 long season, Buffy finally ended and although I was bit disturbed by its ending (aka Anya and Spike dying and the whole of Sunnydale as a crater), at least it ended.  Angel on the other hand did not. What the hell, Whedon and Greenwalt? How can you build up the big apocalypse and Angel profecey for 5 years (not to mention the three years of Angel in Sunnydale too) and then not show us how it all ended up?  You cut off the series with them about to have the fight of their lives in the back of an alley, finishing what what they worked up to the whole bloody series existence?? Are we supposed to assume they just died?  Are we supposed to assume that they defeated the evil? What the heck are we supposed to understand from that last scene? And don't tell me that it doesn't matter, because it does. I like to know, not guess. And it's not like you didn't know it was the series finale...at least do a double episode if you thought you ran out of time. Or an after movie.

The ending  (or non-ending I suppose) reminds me of the series ending of LOST. (SPOILERS ALERT HERE TOO)  At least it was more laid out, but still severely disappointing.  With LOST, we invested 6 years only to find out that they were all dead, or at some point died and used the island to cope with that death and that it was all fake. Well, hello?!?!  Can we say "Easy Way Out?"  That kind of non-ending can be just as bad as leaving it with a cliffhanger ending like Angel's.  I can only assume that Whedon didn't want to end the series and took an easy-way-out by giving us the "choice" of whether they survived or not.

Well, I'm not buying it.

and why?  Because as a reader/viewer/investor, I need an ending. Just like I need an ending to the story I'm writing.  I have to know the ending before I write the beginning. How else will I know how to build the story? How else will I know what lessons my characters need to learn on the way from Point A to Point B?  I can't buy into a story that doesn't have an ending and when a author/producer/screenwriter doesn't provide that tie-all ending, I can only assume they didn't plan it out in its entirety.  It's a non-ending and they don't work.